So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
