oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
