Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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