Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize