can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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