I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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