You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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