Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize