Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
