did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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