So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
