Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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