the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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