I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
