pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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