Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
