I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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