Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
