youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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