to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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