there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
