C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
