Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
