I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
