Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize