the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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