My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
