I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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