I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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