i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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