You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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