D3 body, D1 cock
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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