I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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