my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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