saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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