i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
