i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
