i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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