New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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