so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize