I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
