How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
