too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
