He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
