wat bout pragnant strippers??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
