i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
