Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
