babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
