I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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