just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
