he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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