Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
