I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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