Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
