you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
