Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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