no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
