You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
