Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
