There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
