so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
