Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
