so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
