It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
