If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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