I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
