I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
