Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
